I’ve been too fucking depressed to blog everyday like originally intended.
Friday was a good day. I went to class and did my animal face paint. I did a reptile type thing and I even made a tongue out of a fruit roll up. I’d usually sculpt a tongue, mold it, and cast it in silicone but I didn’t have time or the materials for all that for this particular makeup. We also got our makeup cases, finally. So I don’t have to carry that stupid NFG tote bag around any more. Thank goodness.
Yesterday I took a little adventure to a movie theater about 30 minutes away. That’s what sucks about living in a little shit hole like this. There is nothing to do. I went and this theater looked so freaking ghetto from the outside that I literally thought it was closed. I had to call the theater to make sure they were actually open and they were indeed. However, once I got inside, it was pretty nice. I saw Crimson Peak. It wasn’t quite what I was expecting but I enjoyed it. I love Guillermo Del Toro’s creature design and the ghosts in this movie did not disappoint. The house that the movie takes place in is gorgeous in all its decay. I liked it a lot.
After the movie, I went to a Panera near the theater and had the most depressing lunch ever. Everyone else in there restaurant had someone to talk to and was eating lunch with their friends, but I was just sitting there like a loser eating my sandwich and mac and cheese all alone. I tried to make friends with my roommates and my classmates but honestly, if I were to meet these people under other circumstances, I don’t think I’d even give them the time of day. They just rub me the wrong way.
I was talking to my dad about it today. I honestly liked my roommates at first but after living with them a little bit longer, I’m realizing that the almost 10 year age gap is rearing it’s ugly head and it isn’t something I can really deal with. They are so loud and obnoxious. Last night, someone came home at 1am, not a big deal right? However, and this just really bugged me, she slammed the front door, stomped up the stairs and slammed her bedroom door. She’s not the only one who lives here, so she could have some consideration, right? And now, as I fucking type this, someone in the house is banging away on something and I’m just annoyed.
I talked to my dad about moving out of school housing and into an apartment in the city. I think living in such a tiny shit hole is part of why I am so depressed. I don’t really do anything or have any friends here. My boyfriend even said he’d drop everything in LA, move out here with me and get a job if I move out. I talked to my aunt Jessica about it and she brought up a valid point. What if he hates as much as I do here? He’ll resent me, break up with me and go back to LA. Then I won’t be any better off.
I don’t know what to do. I hate it here. I want to go home. I miss the sun.