I want to talk about weight loss, dieting and working out. It’s constantly on my mind and I do it everyday so I thought it might be a good idea to share my struggles on here. I know weight and dieting are touchy subjects for some and I don’t mean to offend but this subject has just been weighing (no pun intended) so heavily on my mind.
This is going to be a long post. You’ve been warned.
I went to the doctor last week regarding an issue that has nothing to do with my weight. He talked to my mom and I a lot longer than any other doctor I had previously seen had. He went through the usual medical history type stuff and then he got to my weight issue. He asked if I have always been over weight. I tied him yes because that’s the cold hard truth, and then, my mother started blaming herself. I felt so bad. I don’t blame her in any shape, way, or form for my weight. It broke my heart to hear her blame herself the way she did. I take full responsibility for my terrible nutrition decisions but I digress.
The end of the appointment comes and he hands me a print out of everything that he found wrong with me. The things I was expecting were on it but also one thing that really caught me off guard. In big, bold, black letters were the words morbidly obese. It crushed my soul. I’ve been seriously working out for just about 13 months now and I’ve been making what I thought was pretty solid progress but seeing those words on that paper took the wind out of my sails. Part of me wanted to give up after that but I can’t. I have come too far. I have overcome too much anxiety and come too far to give up now but after reading those two words on that piece of paper, working out now feels just as difficult as the first day I worked out with my trainer a year ago.
I’ve been casually working out for about 9 years but I’ve only gotten serious about it over the last 13 months. In April of 2016 I started scheduling workouts with a trainer twice a week. It’s now May 2017 and I work out 6 days a week with my trainer. Getting a trainer was the best thing I have ever done for myself. At first, I got a trainer because I had just switched from an all women circuit training style gym and I wasn’t quite sure where to even begin.That was my big lesson. It’s ok to ask for help and not just at the gym. I kept my trainer because I started noticing more and more changes in myself.
Right nowI am doing things that in the past, I honestly never thought I would be capable of doing. I’ve been weight training and I even started kick boxing! I’ve been kick boxing for just a short time and I already notice a big difference. My speed and power are getting better. I can go longer without getting tired. I can even wrap my own hands! To be honest, that has been the hardest part of kick boxing but I can do it!
I was worried about maintaining my workout schedule once I start my new job but I’m 3 and a half weeks in now and I’ve been maintaining it. It’s hard but working out is my number one priority so no matter how tired or stressed out I may feel, I will always make time for it.
It’s a constant battle. There are days when I feel unstoppable, like I can take on the world. Then the next day I hate myself more than anything and want to give up. I try so hard not to let my mental health and well being be dependent on my weight and working out. Keeping those separate is harder than the actual work outs are. As much as I don’t want to admit it, working out really does affect my mental well being. Those post work out endorphins are the best feeling in the world and I find myself forever chasing them. Am I addicted to working out? Maybe. Do I think that’s bad? No.
This as all really hard for me to share but I wanted to do it, not just for myself but for others who are going through these same or similar struggles too. Sometimes the thing that helps the most is knowing you’re not the only one going through this. I’m always here to talk about anything, not just working out. I’m not professional but my trainers have given me a wealth of knowledge that I’ve gained through experience.
I am proud to say that up to this point, I’ve lost 52lbs. If you want to see a before and now picture, let me know.